SpyGate 2 - The Search For a Story

"The Constitution gave us not only the right but the duty to create our own rules, including the rules concerning our ethics. They are enforced internally by the Senate itself."
- -Senator Arlen Specter speaking to his 2006 "nay" vote for creating a Senate Office of Public Integrity...because the Senate is great at policing itself

"What is necessary is an objective investigation," Specter said at a news conference in the Capitol. "And this one has not been objective."
-Senator Arlen Specter today regarding SpyGate

0
-Number of times in his long illustrious career that Senator Arlen Specter has called for a Senate investigation on ethics.

"The tension between Senator Specter and me was measurable. The process seemed to break down completely. Senator Specter would repeat the same questions until he got the answer he wanted.... To the press and spectators, we must have sounded silly and ill tempered. More than one sigh erupted from the seats behind me as Specter returned to the questioning and I once more gave my explanation. Clearly, neither of us would budge from our position.

Something in the back of my head said, 'Just say what he wants you say and get on with it.' But I was much too stubborn to do that. And the more he pursued it, the more inclined I was to resist. Digging in was, perhaps, for me one way of hanging on to some amount of my dignity. By now I knew that his questions were both insincere and ill informed. Though I tried to answer him, I was equally determined that the senator not put words in my mouth."

-from Anita Hill's book Speaking Truth to Power about her experience during the nomination proceedings for Clarence Thomas

Now, for the record, I like Arlen Specter's voting record overall. He was voted one of America's 10 Best Senators in Time Magazine after all. He's a moderate Republican who Republicans hate and Democrats don't trust. That's someone your average person who hates Hannity AND Colmes can relate to.

But it's pretty obvious from his press conference today and knowing what we know about him, that he's the kind of person who wades through the facts to get to the vague allegations of a very obviously revenge-driven former employee, to support his own conclusions. Why are the words of Matt Walsh gospel? Is it because he acknowledged that he didn't have a walk-through tape so he must be on the level?

Now Senator Specter wants an independent investigation. This is from a man who was a key member of the Warren Commission that investigated the death of JFK. So he knows all about hastily thrown together investigations that don't involve interviewing key witnesses so that preconceived theories can be put forth as fact that no one will ever question in the future.

I say bring on the independent investigation. Since this is the Evil Patriots Blog and I figure that everyone I hate would be a member of this investigative team with absolutely no axes to grind, here is my list of candidates for the investigation. I encourage you to submit your own as well if I've missed any good choices:

SpyGate Commission:

Co-Chair: Arlen "Eagles were not tired, they were victims" Specter
Co-Chair: Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy (to provide moral integrity)

Members:
1. Conduct a random lottery of every senator that receives campaign contributions from Comcast (such as Arlen Specter) so that the investigation can somehow mandate that all citizens be allowed to have the NFL Network.

2. Former NFL players that never cheated, punched or kicked their opponents, or tried to manipulate the referees such as Chris Carter and Mark Schlereth to represent the outraged former players that are still appalled by this.

3. Gregg Easterbrook to represent NASA.

4. Hillary Clinton, she'll have free time soon and will need to find someone to take out her anger on.

5. Nancy Grace. I hate that self-righteous biatch.

6. SI's Peter King. Because with all the investigating someone needs to bring coffee. And that will provide a good solid page of travel notes for his MMQB.

7. John Tomase, Boston Herald. When you run out of ideas and need something to reinvigorate a dead story, he's your man.

8. Julie Mangini. what? It's not Eric, it's his wife. There's no conflict at all.

9. Celtics coach Doc Rivers. Strategist.

10. The whole crew at ESPN:360 who's melodramatic recreation of team meetings where they look WAY too interested in what non-story their colleague is discussing with such fervor, should really come in handy here.

By the way, oil reached a new record today, two massive natural disasters happened in the past week, foreclosures continue to climb (nothing in the mail today!), Iran will be able to actually put up rather than shut up soon, Vladimir Putin is Dictator For Life, Darfur - it's not just for celebrities any more, 800 illegal immigrants just crossed our border while I thought about what to say about Darfur, baby boomers are about to realize healthcare doesn't care at all, I am never ever going to see a social security benefit in my lifetime.

But who cares? Congress will be commiting your tax payer dollars to an independent investigation of just how extensively a coach of a game of football taped the signals of other coaches that knew it was happening and didn't care.

Good times.