Shula Orders Up a Can of Whoop Ass

Do you think Dolphins Coach Cam Cameron was cringing when he heard about Don Shula saying the Patriots' accomplishments are tainted because of spygate no matter how well they do this year? If it weren't for the Slaughter at the Meadowlands scheduled for the week before they go to New England, I would vote this the first potential 100 point game in NFL history.

This whole Shula story is a bit ridiculous of course. The quotes used by the New York Daily News are three weeks old and mostly taken out of context. But we do have this fresh one from 72 Evil Dolphin Jim Mandich:

"You guys put forth the myth that we are pathetic losers down here clicking champagne glasses and clinging desperately to a record set 35 years ago," former Dolphins tight end Jim Mandich told the Daily News. "Somehow we've been portrayed as being evil. We don't ever blow our own horn. It's a great record, but the record doesn't get beaten.

"The Patriots have assembled a powerhouse of a team. They are a classy bunch of guys and play ball the right way. If they want to join the unbeaten club, come on aboard."

See, even retired football players know not to piss off the Patriots. Shula is an idiot, a very overrated coach (you have one of the 2 or 3 best QB's of all time and can't get to a superbowl more than once in his very long careeer?) and probably regrets everything he said.

But, this is a Patriots bye week and since Good did not vanquish Evil on Sunday, we need a recycled storyline to push and comment on all week.

I think it's safe to say these 2007 post-week-1 Patriots are not filming defensive signals from the sideline (maybe the stands though). So to try to attach a taint to this version of the evil Patriots is just crazy. Are they playing with the headsets at Foxboro? Probably, but apparently everyone is doing that and the Colts were caught doing it yesterday. But that's not a sexy story, it's only sexy when the personification of NFL evil gets caught doing it.

Do you think any questions will be put to Stupid Flanders this week about malfunctioning headsets? Probably not, because you can't touch someone who has been canonized as Stupid Flanders has.

And as for the Dolphins, they can only hope the Anti-Christ's heart grows three sizes when he reads Jim Mandich's comments, so that he doesn't take Shula's comments out on the Who's down in Dolphinville.

Get used to these cheezy metaphors by the way, I'll have Yukon Cornelius and Berger Meister Meister Berger references all the way to christmas.

Tomorrow's topic: more Patriots thuggery and why the Gold Glove is the most meaningless award in pro sports.