Thoughts on Week 14

Now that MNF is over, ESPN can stop talking Michael Vick since it doesn't help sell a boring, meaningless game between the Falcons and Saints. By the way is there any doubt that in 2010 we'll be talking about what great field position Tom Brady consistently gets to start drives because of the amazing kick-off returns of the #3 wide receiver, Mike Vick?

On to the recap...

• The Ultimate Warrior, crowned in a camouflage ski hat (he's just so down to earth), started in his 250th career start. Shouldn't there be a sliding scale in football for ironman streaks? If a linebacker starts in 30 consecutive games, shouldn't that be equivalent? Isn't there some Aikman formula for this?

• Dallas barely comes back against the massively overrated Lions who were on a 5 game losing streak and suddenly Romo is a serious MVP candidate and the Cowboys are as good, if not better, than the Patriots. Jason Whitten is the "constantly overlooked when you talk about (insert position)" of the week. I've been hearing his name since Week 1. I'm not even sure which TE I've heard more about than him.

• Is L.T. still the most likable guy in the NFL or has the tarnish come off yet? I don't think Philip Rivers like-likes him as much as he used to.

• The Giants barely slipped past the Eagles 16-13. I'm pretty sure the Jets are going to be a much tougher challenge than the Giants in Week 17 with Eli resting for the playoffs. Wait...actually maybe it will be a bigger challenge with him not playing.

• Do you think Darren McFadden thanks his personal lord and savior Jesus Christ every time he turns on the TV and sees Patriots highlights followed by 49ers highlights?

• The Colts look good. I'm trying to figure out who stops them before they visit Foxboro in January and I can't imagine anyone coming close. Get your rest Dwight Freeney, training camp is only 8 months away.

• The Jets put up a good effort against the Browns. What an awful time to be a Jets/Yanks/Knicks fan. Ugh. I'd feel bad for them if I didn't love seeing them suffer so much. By the way, this game can't get here fast enough. The Annual x-mas party at my parents house is this Sunday and the battle for a prime couch seat in front of my dad's new plasma will be a fight to the death among my brothers, my father, my uncles, and oddly enough, my 85 year old grandmother, who will show no mercy. Who ultimately wins here? My niece Madison, who I'll be paying to grab me a plate of food from the kitchen because I don't dare get up for any reason until half time.

• Shawn Merriman says Jeff Fisher ordered a hit on him. Since this is Shawn Merriman, I don't think we'll be getting a lot of "classless Jeff Fisher" stories this week. By the way, that lights out dance has to be the lamest "look at me i tackled someone" dance I've ever seen. That little fake at the end as if he wont give you one more fist pump is just terrible. My shrink tells me this is a phallic symbol gesture demonstrating latent homosexuality being unleashed by the unconscious mind as a cry for help and acceptance.
  

• Ron Jaworski compared Reggie Bush's future potential to that of 3rd down back Kevin Faulk. Speaking of USC stars turned busts, where is Matt Leinart? Pete Carroll's NFL suckability even translates to his players. such a shame really.

• If you're offended by the guy (or girl?) who hired the small airplane that circled Gillette Stadium with the "Bonds 756* Patriots 3 Superbowl Wins*" sign, as one of my friends is, you are missing the point of what has made this season so enjoyable. It's been great theater for all 14 games so far, and if you can take pleasure in the evil and classlessity of the black-hearted Patriots, then you have to admire the creativity of someone who would pay for a plane to give a collective "eff you" to Patriots fans, players, officials, etc. I loved it.

• L.A. Times' Bill Plaschke has jumped out to an almost insurmountable lead in the election for president of "The Patriots Suck Club for Men". On Around the Horn Monday, he went off on how classless the evil disrespectful Tom Brady was for jawing with Anthony Smith and how he's lost more and more respect for Brady each week as he acts with less and less class. The King of the One-Sentence Paragraph, Plaschke does what most of these new media hacks do - run with their own sense of self-righteous anger no matter how ridiculous they sound or how narrow their perspective gets when they try to justify their increasingly inane reasoning.

• Speaking of Around the Horn, Woody Paige likes the Jets to beat the Patriots on Sunday. It probably happened early on, but I'd like to go back and pinpoint the date when that show became a parody of itself. If they'd just put Bob Ryan back on to replace Kevin Blackistone, it would be like watching a sports version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Plaschke would be Nurse Ratchet.

• The Football Night in America crew of Chris Collinsworth, Bob Costas, Jerome Bettis, and Keith Olbermann is just friggin awful. Bob Costas decided sometime before the season began that he was funny and should make little quips every 30 seconds, and since he's the football version of Barbara Walters, the others just have to laugh so they don't get fired. Keith Olbermann has been pretending to be the left-wing version of Dennis Miller for a long time now and Jerome Bettis is a conversation killer. Side note: My spell check recommended "Lieberman" as a suggestion for "Olbermann." Shocking.
  

• The Colts are the team version of Jason Whitten. "It's funny how they've become the forgotten team," writes Peter King in his MMQB column. Who is forgetting about them? Who is overlooking anyone? If you're good, then you're good. What compelling storyline should you be writing about them right now? I'm pretty sure I heard "they're holding up well without Marvin Harrison" about 100 times in the last 8 weeks since he last played a game. I saw two big features on Reggie Wayne becoming the catalyst for that offense in the past week. Is there anything more frustrating than someone in the media mentioning a team to point out that no one is mentioning them? You're in the media for chrissakes. If you feel they need more press, write something about them that goes beyond a bullet point.
  

• If it weren't for the Patriots this would be shaping up to be the dullest season in recent memory. Don't you love the phrase "recent memory?" It's the new catch-phrase for people who are too lazy to try to remember or look something up, or for former NFL players who don't know what they're talking about. So let's face it, if it weren't for the Evil Patriots, we'd be talking about the Dolphins quest for Sucktality, the Ultimate Warrior (even more so), and the glorious return of the Dallas Cowboys to the NFL royalty. So in the end, thank you Eric Mangini, Tony Dungy, Donovan McNabb, Anthony Smith, Wade Philips, Terrell Owens, Ray Lewis, and anyone else I might be forgetting for motivating an already motivated team to not just play better, but angrier and more ruthless as well.